The Rager WWE Review - TLC

Welcome to the first official entry of what will hopefully be the world's most respected wrestling column. Tonight we discuss the main points of this month's pay-per-view, Tables, Ladders and Chairs (affectionately known as TLC).

-The Ladder match went as follows: Kofi jumped around impressively, (a)Dolph Ziggler (from now on, he will referred to as Mr. Ziggles) put his body on the line, Jack Swagger just kinda threw people around and Vickie Guerrero is a Sea-Donkey (not all that relevant to the match but I felt it was necessary to point out. WWE seems to have peaked early as this match could easily be the highlight of the night, interesting moves by all three men and an even more interesting ending with Kofi and Swags dropping the title and Ziggles managing to scramble away with it and retaining his championship.

-Ooo! A DIVAS TABLE MATCH???? (For the kids playing at home, that would be sarcasm) For anyone really wanting to know what happened in this match, I apologize, I did exactly what the audience in attendance did during this match and took a break.

- I think its interesting that Santino has been looking more and more like a legitimate wrestler as of late...it's almost like he's been able to this entire time! Anyways, the Nexus underlings got upset at their shortcomings and got DQ'd and beat Kozlov and Santino all to hell but kept their Tag Team titles.

- I was doubtful about Sheamus (who will now be known as King Mayo or King White Lightning) and his involvement in a ladder match, especially with John Morrison. I thought King Mayo lacked the agility and quickness needed to match John Morrison however, to my surprise, it actually turned out to be a really good match that saw Morrison win to be considered the #1 contender for the WWE title.

- The WWE champion, The Miz, has to be a genius (but I really mean the writers, for once). Pulling off the ol' switcheroo to try to get away with the title was brilliant. I wasn't a big fan of him still winning by a freak accident after the match restarted, I would have much rather him get away with it because it would further their rivalry a little bit more.

- I haven't even watched this match yet but let me just say that WWE was really lazy and just through a fourway TLC match for the Heavyweight Championship. They wasted all of our time over three weeks establishing heat between Edge an Kane only for them to just throw in Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio a few days ago. Yeah, I've watched about 7 minutes of the match and they've managed to make a TLC match boring. I will say this, Del Rio took a pretty nasty fall off a ridiculously tall ladder and onto to the floor level but that seems to be the only exciting moment. Kane now has a cut on his big baby head and it looks like a Harry Potter lightning bolt. Edge wins and is your new Heavyweight champ. I have no idea what's he going to do next because if they continue the Edge/Kane/Paul Bearer storyline, I'm going to beat something with dead rodents.

- Let me just say how awesome it is that the official song for the pay per view is My Chemical Romance's "Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na)"

- Dashing Cody Rhodes decided to come out and cut a promo about grooming tips, specifically about jowls...I'm going to take a nap now. OH WAIT ITS SANTA AND HIS HO HO's...oh, its Big Show...OH ITS BIG SHOW! He's throwing out gifts and of course its DVD's of Knucklehead because no one would buy it. The two discuss the freeness of running around in their underwear...isn't this what to two of them do for a living? Ok, I'm gonna stop paying attention now. Ok, Show is undressing Cody while he lays motionless on the floor...this is getting uncomfortable.

- Somebody should buy me the new Nexus shirt...just sayin.

- Cena has apparently been taking out the Nexus underlings all night...Haven't seen David Otunga....I wonder....

- CM Punk comes to relieve Stryker on the announcing team and I just got that much happier. The purpose of John Cena and Barrett's chair match seems to just be to beat the crap outta each other...no stipulation, no reward for winning, just beating each other. John Cena introduces a desk chair into the match and decides to play Nexus bowling. Let me just say this, Barrett is decent in the ring and has a lot of potential but he's just missing something, I don't know what it is but I will get back to you all on that later. I will say that Barrett seems to be able to hold his own in a match against Cena than a few months ago...granted its with the aid of chairs but thats not the point. Cena lands an F-1...I mean FU...I mean Attitude Adjustment...I mean AA and Wade was left in a heap of chairs and Cena wins the match. Cena the proceeds to lay into Barrett. He drops this weird wooden platform on Barrett and leaves it ontop of him, the music starts but he waves it off and decides to pull the chair display down and fall on the platform...totally sure Barrett felt that. John Cena celebrates and the show it over.

Thank you for reading the first ever Rager installment and stay tuned for my coverage of Monday Night Raw.